Beyond the Breakup: The Hidden Abuse Many Women Face
As we observe Women’s History Month, a time to recognize the strength, resilience, and contributions of women throughout history, we must also confront the silent crime of economic abuse—a growing but often ignored form of post-breakup harassment. Many women, after leaving relationships, find themselves haunted by relentless demands from ex-partners to return gifts, money, or financial support once freely given. This tactic is not about fairness—it is a form of financial control, emotional manipulation, and abuse.
According to the United Nations, 1 in 3 women worldwide experience some form of abuse in their lifetime, and economic abuse is one of the least recognized yet most damaging forms. Studies show that more than 95% of women in abusive relationships also experience economic abuse, often leading to long-term financial insecurity, debt, and dependence on their abuser.
This reality begs the question: When did love become a transaction? When did support become a debt?
When Gifts Become a Weapon: Understanding Economic Abuse After a Breakup
Breakups are rarely easy, but for some women, leaving a relationship does not mean freedom. Instead, it marks the beginning of a new form of coercion and financial control. One of the most common and insidious tactics used in post-breakup harassment is the demand to return gifts or money. What may seem like a simple request is, in many cases, a deliberate act of economic abuse, forcing women to relive the past relationship while dealing with unnecessary stress, threats, and intimidation.
A Story of Devastation: Economic Abuse in Real Life
“I thought he cared about me. I am a refugee who moved to Canada, and we were in a long-distance relationship. During our relationship, he would give me money to help with bills, to support me when I was struggling. I never asked—he always said he wanted to help. But the moment we broke up, everything changed. He started demanding every cent back. He would call me at night, send me messages saying I ‘owed him’ for all the times he supported me. He would humiliate me online, telling people I used him. I feel trapped, ashamed, and emotionally exhausted. I don’t know how to make him stop. I never agreed to a loan, but now he is making my life unbearable. I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m drowning in his threats.” — A survivor of economic abuse
Sadly, her story is not unique. Thousands of women around the world face financial retribution after leaving relationships, as ex-partners attempt to punish them by weaponizing financial gifts, support, and resources.
What Is Economic Abuse?
Economic abuse is a recognized form of domestic violence in many legal systems worldwide. It occurs when one person seeks to control, manipulate, or sabotage another’s financial stability. It includes:
- Restricting access to money
- Exploiting financial resources
- Creating economic dependence
- Forcing financial hardship as punishment or revenge
When a person demands gifts or money back post-breakup, not because they need them, but as a tool of harassment, it is an act of economic control and coercion.
When Is Asking for Gifts Back Considered Abuse?
Not every situation where an ex asks for a gift back is abusive. However, it becomes economic abuse when:
- It Is Used to Control or Intimidate – If an ex persistently contacts, pressures, or threatens a woman to return a gift, it is a form of harassment and coercive control.
- It Is a Means of Financial Manipulation – Taking back significant gifts (e.g., expensive jewelry, financial support, personal assets) to cause financial strain or distress is a red flag of economic abuse.
- It Creates Emotional and Psychological Pressure – If the demand is accompanied by guilt-tripping, shaming, or emotional blackmail (e.g., “You owe me for everything I did for you!”), it is a tactic of coercion.
- It Becomes a Pattern of Post-Breakup Harassment – If an ex continues to demand money, gifts, or financial compensation long after the relationship ends, it is stalking and harassment.
- Legal Threats and Intimidation Are Involved – Using threats of lawsuits or police action to scare someone into returning gifts given freely can be a form of intimidation and legal abuse.
- It Escalates to Threats or Violence – Any situation where demands for returning gifts are accompanied by threats, stalking, or aggressive behaviour may be a criminal offense.
When Is Asking for a Gift Back Justified?
There are only a few limited cases where requesting the return of an item may be reasonable:
- Loaned Items – If something was explicitly borrowed (not gifted), asking for it back is fair.
- Shared High-Value Assets – Engagement rings, cars, or shared property may warrant legal discussion, but without harassment or coercion.
- Family Heirlooms or Sentimental Items – If the gift was an important family legacy (e.g., a grandmother’s ring), an amicable request may be appropriate.
However, even in these cases, the request should be made respectfully and without intimidation.
The Legal and Social Consequences of Economic Abuse
Economic abuse is recognized as a form of domestic violence in many jurisdictions. In some places, post-breakup financial control such as demanding gifts back to cause financial distress may be grounds for legal action.
Additionally, stalking, repeated harassment, and coercive control can be criminal offenses. Some legal frameworks explicitly prohibit abusive ex-partners from using money, property, or other financial means to continue exerting control.
What Can Women Do If They Face This Situation?
If you are being harassed for gifts after a breakup, you have the right to protect yourself. Here’s how:
- Set Clear Boundaries – If you do not wish to return the item, state your decision firmly and refuse to engage further.
- Document the Harassment – Keep records of messages, emails, or calls where your ex is demanding gifts back or using intimidation tactics.
- Block and Avoid Contact – If the demands become excessive, blocking their number or email may be necessary.
- Seek Legal Advice – If you are being threatened with legal action or feel unsafe, consulting a lawyer or legal aid service can help you understand your rights.
- Reach Out for Support – Organizations supporting survivors of domestic and economic abuse can provide guidance, advocacy, and resources.
If the harassment continues or escalates, consider reporting it to law enforcement or a domestic violence support organization.
Final Thoughts: Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
Gifts, by definition, are freely given. Once a relationship ends, using past generosity as a weapon for control and manipulation is not just unfair it is abuse.
During Women’s History Month, let’s commit to ending all forms of abuse against women including economic abuse. This is not just about relationships; it’s about justice, respect, and dignity.
Let’s end economic abuse this Women’s History Month and beyond.
